The Heart Heats, The Depth Works
Lilith’s End (PG 13)

“They say everything happens for a reason.”

-Anonymous

They lost me at hello. Men in black suits and sunglasses that gazed light and decisive objectivity. Skin pale and shiny, mouths curt with secrets. Clammy hands, small wrists. A gun, a few weapons, inside of them, beneath them, within the reach of a button. Unsure, yet appearing confident in action. Derisive but precise. Hateful in appearance but commandeering in acknowledgement. I knew I was caught. Between that death, and that reality which made me one of them, treated me like I was part of them, when my skin was not pale and my weapons were not easily attainable. They had caught me in a web of lost, that very place one goes to escape from the opposite of what one is doing. And so I must be dark, I must be competently subjective, confident inside but weak and unsure on the outside, radiating friendliness, complimentary. Sloppy. Nothing they were. But everything they weren’t.

“Listen, we need information on the assault of this young woman.”

Pictures. Bloody, dead alive beautiful pictures of her, that woman without a life. She floated from the photos as if an angel, her own lush skin opposing that of the hand holding the facade, eyes rolled back, mouth open, screaming life and words that no one ever heard. She knew me, and came to me in my daydream of the moment, descending upon my shoulders to hold me. Her mouth still in a scream, her white eyes staring in judgment. Judge me, I dare you. Men watched her. Her bloodstained torso rested smoothly against my back, the friction barely noticeable as she pushed me onward to our goal, our beauty. My own eyes became hers, and we looked upon men.

“I killed her.”

My mouth moved at its own accord and her grip became deathly tight. Anger radiated from her but my mouth sought other things, and was of its own volition.

“What?”

“I killed her.”

I killed her.”

I killed her.”

I killed her.”

I killed her.”

I killed her.”

And we came to a prison where they placed me in a cell. She lay across my back, severed breasts held up by my solidness, mouthing those words. Her arms draped their blood across my shoulders, and I softly touched them, feeling  the coolness. Her legs were no more, left behind so she could never support herself again.

“I killed her.”

“Shut up.”

Guard hit a stick against the bars. Inmates wallowed. She was everything. Her body slipped off of me onto my bed, and I fell on top of her heavily, ripping her breasts off of her and licking the eyeballs with kisses, so maybe she may close them. She lay more defenseless than before, no legs to open, no clothes to pry off. Everything I had wanted, all of the weakness. I lusted for her as always, and her state only invited me to push into her… In sickness, I let her lie. My own body came to rest beside hers, and I let her lie. The weakness of her, how she was no longer threatening, hurting, hunting me… I needed that pain, but she could no longer provide. So I let her lie open to the ceiling, torn apart in vicious splendor, so as to restore her identity. She was merely weak now. Let it wait.

“… Trial.”

Courtroom. People. She sat in the empty seat at the back where I set her when I arrived. I wanted her to watch this. I didn’t want to leave her alone. Time progressed.

“Can we bring you up to the stand?”

Another man, a black suit. Without his sunglasses his eyes bulged and twisted wildly in his head. Taking my hand, he lead me to a box where people stared upon. Small, I felt below the ground. At least she was there.

“So, let’s begin.”

Plaintiff. Black suit. Men. No glasses, but with keen, small eyes that darted to and fro, annoyed with everything they saw so as to seek a different pleasure item for scrutiny. They rested hungrily upon me, and she stared whitely from the back. I smiled.

“I killed her.”

“What?”

“I killed her.”

“… Is that what you’re pleading? Guilty?”

“I killed her.”

The other bulgy eyed man called out some words. “… Psychiatric help…. Damaged….”

Man in a black suit. A robe really. Highest of them all. Looked down upon me.

“She committed suicide, you know. She left a suicide note in her hand writing. All the proof is here. So why do you claim responsibility?”

“I killed her.”

“Did you cause her suicide?”

“I killed her.”

Robed man sighed.

“Get this nut out of my courtroom.”

“I killed her.”

“I killed her.”

She wrapped around me as I left.

Walls of white, and people. Cages are always the same. Nice people here, men said. But a window was calling. An escape was perfect. I could see her grave.

I fell. Parts of me hurt, but not as much as she had hurt. She was the epitome of pain. My love, my vain. Pride for it, I felt it all, and so I continued, following, arm numb and broken. She led me to the place. Men had hidden her body in another case, in another place. So I dug. She sat beside me, weak, but surrounded by my love, so as to give her a shield from wandering eyes. How I love her, my master. Earth churned around me. Ground flew behind me. Softly. And there with the chime of a bell was a casket, and I opened it carefully.

“You always take such a long time.”

I extended my hand and she took it, her body another solid form, her weakness gone. Her body sloped as usual, the thighs tight with youth, supple. I carried her out of her grave and kissed her sweetly upon that mouth which had screamed words. Her lips caressed my own, and her hands warped around my body and she took me in and we reached the surface, falling to it. Her white dress ripped between my restless fingers. Against me, on top of me, around me she went, swaying with rhythm, dancing to a song of the past which we had danced so many times before. And I smiled with those lips against mine as I had her once again, and again, until the moon was full.

“Sweet?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s return.”

“Yes.”

She stood up, her naked body steaming the moonlight, and took my tattered coat upon her shoulders. I stood and gently picked her glory form from the ground into my arms, and carried her forward, onward. She led me.

House was there. I carried her in, and she immediately took up the phone.

“Off with you now, love.”

Her lips whispered it silently, and I crawled into my room. I lay down and listened to her soft voice chanting those sweet words and soon enough, the screaming was heard and the banging began. And so I slept, lulled by the rhythm of her love.